https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a26090091/tofu-stir-fry-recipe/Tofu Stir Fry

first thing
take the tofu out the package
dont just stare at it like i did
wrap it in a towel
any towel
clean enough
put a cutting board on top
put everything heavy on the cutting board
i got a pot of water and a bag of rice and a cast iron
walk away
forget about it
come back in like half an hour or whenever u remember
pour out the water
so much water
tofu is a liar holding water it doesnt need
ok now cut it
cubes
not too small not too big
like the size of the end of ur thumb
not the whole thumb just the tip
u know what i mean
now cornstarch
dump some in a bowl
put the tofu cubes in
toss them around
ur hands get messy its fine
wash them later
now heat oil in a pan
medium high
wait till the oil moves like water
thats how u know its hot
put the tofu in
dont crowd them
they need space or they get sad and soft
crowded tofu is sad tofu
fry till golden brown
turn them once
gently
they break easy ask me how i know
take them out
paper towel
set aside
ok now vegetables
this is where i always mess up
broccoli first
cut it small
stalks too just peel the tough outside
dont throw stalks away thats money in the trash
boil water in a pot
salt it
like a lot
like the ocean but not that much cause that would be too salty
put broccoli in
one minute
not two
one
set a timer i never set a timer and thats why my broccoli is always mushy
take it out
put it in ice water
if u dont have ice just cold water and change it twice
carrots same thing
one minute then ice bath
mushrooms different
mushrooms get their own pan
little oil
high heat
put them in
dont touch for two minutes
then stir
one more minute
take them out
set aside with the tofu
snap peas and asparagus
no boiling
straight into the hot pan
thirty seconds
thats it
thirty seconds
they should still be crunchy
if theyre soft u left them too long
ok now sauce
this took me forever to figure out
low sodium soy sauce
two tablespoons
not regular
regular is too salty i swear
water
two tablespoons
brown sugar
two teaspoons
not tablespoons
i did tablespoons once and it was candy tofu
disgusting
garlic
three cloves
smash them first then chop
ginger
half teaspoon
i use the jarred kind cause peeling ginger makes me angry
sesame oil
just a little
like a quarter teaspoon
its strong
cornstarch
two teaspoons
mix with one tablespoon cold water
make sure no lumps
lumps are gross
mix everything in a bowl
taste it
should be salty sweet garlicky
if it tastes like nothing u forgot the ginger
ok now put it all together
heat the same pan u cooked the snap peas in
mushrooms go back in
then broccoli and carrots
then snap peas and asparagus
then pour the sauce
stir
it will get thick fast
like one minute fast
then tofu
add it last
stir gentle
pretend the tofu is sleeping
dont wake it up
turn off the heat
lime
squeeze half a lime over everything
taste it
need more lime add more lime
need salt add a pinch
need heat red pepper flakes
now eat
with rice
any rice
dont eat it without rice
the sauce needs somewhere to go
ok now the stuff i did wrong
first time i used silken tofu
didnt know there was different kinds
silken tofu is for soup not stir fry
it turned into white clouds floating in brown water
my husband said whats that
i said tofu
he said where
i pointed
he said oh
just oh
like i showed him a dead fish
second time i used regular soy sauce
couldnt breathe after one bite
so salty my lips shriveled
drank water for an hour
my ankles swelled
thats real
sodium makes ur ankles lie to you
third time i added cornstarch straight to the hot pan
not mixed with water first
just powder
it clumped into white balls
floating around like little islands
i tried to break them
they just rolled away
laughing at me
i threw everything away and made ramen
fourth time i forgot the lime
the dish was flat
like someone turned down the volume
i added more salt
worse
more sugar
worse
then i found a lime in the fridge
wrinkled and hard
used lemon instead
it was ok
not great
just ok
fifth time i tried to make it for six people
six
why did i do that
my pan was too small
everything steamed instead of fried
vegetables were gray
tofu broke apart
sauce was watery
i served it anyway
everyone ate it cause they were hungry
nobody asked for the recipe
nobody said thank you
i cried in the kitchen after they left
not cause the dish
cause i was tired
now i make it for two people
me and whoever is brave enough to eat at my table